Living in gratitude instead of desire

Click the image above for a larger version

This could be totally wrong, but I’m guessing that the decline of religious life in our culture has brought with it a decline in gratitude. Not that I am laying some sort of a religious trip on everyone—I am the first to cop to not maintaining an attitude of thankfulness.

But I do feel as though we (and I include me) have come to worship desire. Here in the United States, I sometimes despair that our state religion is consumption and our main prayer is for more.

I’m not even religious, but I sense from people I’ve known who take the spiritual aspects of their religions to heart an emphasis on being grateful for what God or the Universe or the Oneness has given them rather than on what they don’t have. I admire that. I’d like to have more of that in myself, because I, too, often find that my prayer, if I’m not careful, is for more.

Here is what I think: that being grateful for what I have makes me want less. Wanting less makes me consume less. Consuming less makes me treat the planet more kindly. The equation goes, therefore, gratitude equals kindness.

And also, it turns out, gratitude equals happiness. According to the relatively new field of positive psychology (read an article about it in Time here), one way to cultivate happiness is to keep a

“gratitude journal, a diary in which subjects write down things for which they are thankful. [Researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky] has found that taking the time to conscientiously count their blessings once a week significantly increased subjects' overall satisfaction with life over a period of six weeks, whereas a control group that did not keep journals had no such gain.”

Notice how the blurb at the top of this post (courtesy of Time Magazine via Authentic Happiness, by the way), doesn’t mention anything about getting more stuff to make us happy? Instead, among other things, it gratitude at the top of the list (and I’m not suggesting this for the underprivileged or the poverty stricken). So by my reckoning, cultivating gratitude is another case of happier people, happier planet.

PS If you're a regular reader, you may notice this is a repost. Sorry. Isabella has brought me home another doozy of a cold.

Comments

[erin :: the olive notes]

even though it's a repeat post...it's definitely worth repeating! It's a beautiful reminder. Thanks.

[becky]

it's a post that stands up under repetition. no doubt this is when you are grateful for warm tea and honey, a comfortable couch for "potatoing" and tons of kleenex- oops! make that soft, cloth hankies:) feel better quick, colin.

[Darx]

I don't understand why people who are underprivileged or poverty stricken might not benefit from experiencing gratitude as well. Sure, the things one might be grateful for might be different, but there still have to be some things to be grateful for, like breathing and sunshine (or the rain), loved ones that even underprivileged or poverty stricken people might have in their lives. Maybe I'm being naive, but I think *everyone* could benefit from expanding their sense of gratitude, and I appreciate being reminded. I agree, this post is worth reading again. Get well soon, Colin.

[Deb C]

Great post. Definitely worth repeating. Hope you feel better soon.

[Leila Abu-Saba]

Love this post. Always bears repeating.

Get well quickly...

[James Marwood]

It is good to realise that there are good things on ones life. To take the time to look around and say 'yeah, this is good'. However I don't think this needs to be framed as gratitude, certainly not in the religious sense. Being told to 'count your blessings' smacks to me of being told to know your place and not strive to improve it. If one is satisfied with where one is, then what is the motivator to improve? i would rather take the time to recognise the things in my life I like, such friends, family, a nice day, and then think there are still things in my life I want to improve and go for them.

[Katy]

To James: The way gratitude has been presented to me, in my religious context it is a movtivator. Sit down every day and make a list of what you are greatful for. Then list what you are not greatful for. See where you find joy in life and where the joy is being sucked from your life. Then you can start to do more of the things that are life giving and less of the things that are life sucking.
The truely amazing part of this exersie is that sometimes you suprise yourself with you think is suppose to be life giving, but really isn't.

[James Marwood]

@Katy I can see that I guess. I am an atheist so I see no need for a religious aspect to this. That does not mean that is not an approach that would work for others.

I agree that it is often surprising to see what is actually making you happy and what is not.

[Margaret]

I'm a big fan of the writer Anne Lamott, who has said that as she started getting her life together after years of addiction/alcoholism, her prayers got a lot simpler: a "Please" when she woke up, and a "thank you" at bedtime. I often find myself thinking of that when I'm frustrated or angry--that having a good life has nothing to do with whatever crap I'm letting take over my life at the moment. May we have a day full of grace, please, and thank you for allowing us to have it. Thanks for the re-post, Colin.

[Diane Gandee Sorbi]

It is definitely worth reading again. If we all tried to live by those principles and acts, the world would be a much happier, more peaceful place.

Take care and get well soon, Colin.

[The Radical Guy]

The real paradox is that the more grateful we are for the blessings we have instead of living in a state of uncontroled desire, the more abundance will flow in our lives...in all of it's forms. It's not a matter of denouncing our desire for "stuff" but to understand it's true role in our lives...accessories to enjoy while consciously engaging in the joy of relationship experience. Thanks for the post!

[Val]

Thank you for posting this, Colin. Here is a relevant recent post from my blog:

I am thankful that the chocolate torte - whick took two hours of my time to make - sank in the center. The party that I was supposed to bring it to was not a disaster because I messed up my torte. What I learned is that the people in attendance was all the party needed to be great anyway.

I am thankful that I'm broke. I don't need to buy anything else that'll only serve to clutter up my beautiful life anyway.

I am thankful that my van is making rumbling noises and probably needs some major repair work soon. I'm driving less and choosing my outings better. That's better for my budget and the environment anyway.

I am thankful that I wasn't considerate in something I said to a friend yesterday. It taught me that all she needed was for me to listen. And now I know how to be a better friend.

I am thankful for my son having a tantrum this morning. I learned he's not perfect. And I learned that I don't want him to be perfect anyway.

I have been overwhelmed with gratitude lately, and the coolest thing about this gratitude is that it has come from the most unexpected places. The gratitude - the thankfullness - has arisen in me in situations that I would not have usually expected. My gratitude has evolved out of my mistakes and failings. This is a totally new and totally amazing experience for me. For the first time in my life I am beginning to understand how to learn from my mistakes. Every time I have messed up this week - and there have been many times, some rather small and some rather big, something clicked inside of me. I've been able to recognize it and then after recognition, I've been able to give some thought as to what I could have said or done better, smarter, easier, more lovingly, etc...

I am full of gratitude for the little things, the beautiful things, the shitty things, and everything in between, and for all of the mistakes I made this week as well. I am full of gratitude for having so many teachable moments and being able to acknowledge them as such. What a gift to have been given!

[Jessica]

I thought it sounded familiar. I kept thinking, "He can't write about this enough."
Gratitude, in case you're interested, is also a healing tool used in 12 step programs like AA and codependents anonymous (just to name a couple). It’s an important factor of step 4, making a fearless and searching moral inventory of yourself. Many people forget to include the good, and what they are grateful for, in their moral inventory, but it’s totally essential.

[Abbey]

I was going to make the point Jessica did on AA/NA & gratitude. I work with teens and a gratitude journal is something I use with them... I like this post but the links came up as 'access denied'

[reusethematerialgirl]

This was a great post for me, for today. I had a terrible day yesterday in part due to the gloomy weather where I'm at, in part due to the scary state of the national and world economy, and in part due to that horrific news from Austria. I was overwhelmed with sadness and a sense of hopelessness, despite all I have to be grateful for... and it is plenty!

But a small reminder to be mindful/grateful/spiritual came in the form of a radio program I heard last night. I'm writing from memory and paraphrasing from here out... but I think the man's name was Ward Stone, and he is the environmental pathologist for the state of NY. He talked about the weather, the season, answered listener's questions, and through it all kept reminding us to be mindful, to be grateful, to take moments to enjoy life and its gifts. He said he thinks much of the violence and trouble in the world is due to not being in tune with the natural world, to not recognizing its beauty and goodness, to not emulating it in our own lives. It was so comforting to hear a scientist remind about the most important things, and my despair started to lift.

Another radio tidbit: the story of a man in Africa who was selling the last of his five goats in order to buy food for his family. He was unsuccessful in selling the goat because everyone is trying to do the same thing and there is no market for the animals. Perhaps his family would eat this goat themselves, as they had previous goats. But through his troubles, the story reported that he had "bright eyes" and was "happy." He had NOTHING by our standards, but was "happy." I'll bet gratitude factored in.

Today, a bit of sunshine and this post. I'm feeling better and better. Thank you Colin (and everyone else, for their comments).

[Jonathan]

Thank you. :)

[Mike]

James (and Katy) - I totally agree. You can also be thankful that you have the self-awareness to make these observations.

[Robert E. Porter]

"This could be totally wrong, but I’m guessing that the decline of religious life in our culture has brought with it a decline in gratitude."

Definitely wrong. What is religion, but the worship of desire? A sense of entitlement? If God doles out "daily bread," if He deserves our thanks at meals, what does that say about the malnourished and the starving? That they only get what they deserve? That rich and poor are moral distinctions? And how do people get rich? Through the exploitation of human and natural resources.

It's about time people realized that religion is incompatible with human rights, incompatible with a deeper understanding and appreciation of nature and how it works. You can't cling to illusion _and_ embrace life in the real world.

[JK]

I happen to heartily agree with your fundamental premise, but what's the basis of your assertion that religious life is declining? By many measures this is one of the most religious periods in US history. There is a great graph on P 6 of Garry Wills' new book "Head and Heart." It is of churchgoing from 1776 to 2000. From 1980 to 2000 shows historically high attendance. I also recall various Pew surveys showing the same thing. As to the sincerity or the depth of spirituality in US culture, that's another question, and perhaps what you are calling into question.

[Megan]

I agree with JK- compared to Europe the United States has an intensely religious culture.

[Kimberley]

"but I’m guessing that the decline of religious life in our culture has brought with it a decline in gratitude."

I heartily disagree with this. It actually strikes me as rather prejudiced to assert that one must be religious in order to value gratitude. I'm a big fan of practicing gratitude, and an atheist to boot. That is, while I might find spiritual meaning through certain things in my life, I do not practice a religion and do not believe in the existence of any religious figurehead.

[Allison]

I loved this post, and as a first time reader, it was new materia for me, so thank you. I posted today about consuming less and loving more what I have, so it was fitting for me to read this today. Thank you!

[Sherlee]

Thanks for this timely reminder. :)

[Sherlee]

Thanks for this timely reminder. :)

[Umm Layth]

This is a great reminder to everyone because no matter who we are, where we come from, and what we have or don't have, we are always better off than someone else out there because there are more people struggling. If I didn't have anything to eat today, someone has starved for a week, and a person has starved for a month somewhere else in the world. If we remembered this more often, even if facing poverty, our little amounts could become more than plenty, and we could allow all of the rest that usually becomes junk to be given away and shared with others.

What a better world it would be then.