Living in gratitude instead of desire

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This could be totally wrong, but I’m guessing that the decline of religious life in our culture has brought with it a decline in gratitude. Not that I am laying some sort of a religious trip on everyone—I am the first to cop to not maintaining an attitude of thankfulness.

But I do feel as though we (and I include me) have come to worship desire. Here in the United States, I sometimes despair that our state religion is consumption and our main prayer is for more.

I’m not even religious, but I sense from people I’ve known who take the spiritual aspects of their religions to heart an emphasis on being grateful for what God or the Universe or the Oneness has given them rather than on what they don’t have. I admire that. I’d like to have more of that in myself, because I, too, often find that my prayer, if I’m not careful, is for more.

Here is what I think: that being grateful for what I have makes me want less. Wanting less makes me consume less. Consuming less makes me treat the planet more kindly. The equation goes, therefore, gratitude equals kindness.

And also, it turns out, gratitude equals happiness. According to the relatively new field of positive psychology (read an article about it in Time here), one way to cultivate happiness is to keep a

“gratitude journal, a diary in which subjects write down things for which they are thankful. [Researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky] has found that taking the time to conscientiously count their blessings once a week significantly increased subjects' overall satisfaction with life over a period of six weeks, whereas a control group that did not keep journals had no such gain.”

Notice how the blurb at the top of this post (courtesy of Time Magazine via Authentic Happiness, by the way), doesn’t mention anything about getting more stuff to make us happy? Instead, among other things, it gratitude at the top of the list (and I’m not suggesting this for the underprivileged or the poverty stricken). So by my reckoning, cultivating gratitude is another case of happier people, happier planet.

My gratitude journal for today:

• Isabella, my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, who teaches me all about life and laughter.
• Michelle, my wife and fellow voyager.
• Frankie, my dog, the most advanced spirit in my circle.
• Tanner, my best friend of ten years.
• A middle birth, which means I’m not so poor as to have to struggle and not so rich as to be put to sleep by luxuries.
• Water, because I, unlike a billion people on this planet, have easy access to it.
• My computer, because it’s right in front of my nose.
• You readers, since, like a tree in the woods, I’m never sure I exist if no one is there to hear me.
• Dr. Pamela Hops, our primary care provider, who took our call at 11:15 PM last night when we had cause to worry about Isabella.
• Peggy, who has had a hard life but has used it to become a saint to the hundreds of children she has cared for and their parents.
• My bike.
• My other bike.
• My healthy, strong 44-year-old body.
• The many people who have struggled with the same things as me and shared their solutions.
• And so much more…

Comments

[Peter]

gratitude, to me, seems like a sham. i figure we should spend a maximum of 2 seconds a day thinking 'wow - i have a lot to be thankful for', and the rest of the time thinking about how to make the world a better place.

'gratitude' seems to say 'just be thankful' or 'just be content'. that is not cool.

i mean, i'm thankful that lots of people were willing to be beaten and murdered so that i only have to work 40 hours a week, but it's not like i dwell on it. instead, i'm just trying to pick up where they left off, and that means taking action, the opposite of 'just being thankful'.

as for personal happiness, i don't doubt that some form of religion can work wonders. after all, "If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion."

:)

[Isabelle]

I have kept a gratitude journal for 6 months, and have spent time almost everyday since I met my spouse 7 years ago, being thankfull for all providence as given me. Which is nothing special really, I'm not rich or above average lucky, I just had a second chance at everything after a bad divorce.

I'm going through rough times now, with my kids being taken away from me to go back to their dad. It shakes all of my inner foundations. In this hurricane, I find a holding point in reading my journal, as I don't "feel" so lucky right now, but it reminds me that I am.

And like Peter, I agree that being thankfull for what we have surely must bring us further in action towards others. And that too is a secret ingredient to hapiness, to give back, to be usefull, that gives meaning and joy everytime.

Thanks for the post.

Isabelle

[mary]

No offense Peter, but I think it boils down to "how" you perceive being thankful. I don't think one can make the world a better place without noticing the small gifts life gives.
We all have crappy things in life that we don't like. We all want to make the world better. Being grateful for what you have (no matter how little or how much) is a gift in itself.
Great post Colin.

[vegetablej]

Thank-you for mentioning the Time article on positive psychology. I hadn't had a chance to read it before, though I attended a wonderful seminar given by a professor here based on the research, and then gave several lessons on it to my students.

Besides the advice on taking note of the good things that happen, the most powerful technique for me is practicing random, and other, acts of kindness.

As a small illustration, the look in a busy mother's eyes on a long train trip when you present her with a small piece of chocolate for her daughter is enough to carry you through about a month of the doldrums. :)

[Stacey]

I love this post, Colin, and this blog, because it is such a testament to the fact that you CAN be grateful and STILL work hard to make the world a better place. I would even be wary of dismissing the idea that you could encourage the "underprivileged or poverty stricken" to be grateful. When I worked with Doctors Without Borders in Mexico I lived in communities that had so little, but I can say without a doubt that they were grateful for what they had and happy. In the wonderful book, The Happiness Hypothesis, research showed that even girl prostitutes in India are happy because they are grateful, mostly for the friendships they had. And if we Westerners balk at that assertion, let's think about the fact that human beings have the ability to find meaning in their own experience and finding that meaning is very like happiness. So let's really embrace the idea that gratitude is available for everyone and that being grateful (and happy!) goes hand-in-hand with taking positive action in this world!

[Greg]

If you're thankful - who do you thank?

[Steven]

Sounds like Buddhism 101. I guess the good news is that Western science will eventually catch up!

[Eric]

Funny, I find that religion confuses the whole issue of gratitude. As Greg asks, who do you thank? As an atheist/naturalist, I certainly don't thank an invisible sky god, a Oneness, or even the universe. Appreciating the kindness and decency of others is one thing - and there certainly are some religions that encourage that. But giving it up to God and anticipating an eternal life in Heaven strikes me as a great way to minimize the significance of our life here on earth, not to mention the individual efforts we make to better ourselves and those around us.

Anyway...interesting post, but I think you give "religious life in our culture" too much credit.

[PrayfortheEarth]

Some thoughts (from other people much smarter than me):

"That he was pleased when he could take up a straw from the ground for the love of GOD, seeking Him only, and nothing else, not even His gifts." - Brother Lawrence, Practice of the Presence of God.

"Simplicity is freedom. Duplicity is bondage. Simplicity brings joy and balance. Duplicity brings anxiety and fear. The preacher of Ecclesiastes observes that 'God made man simple; man's complex problems are of his own devising.' (Eccles. 7:30)'... The need for our security has led us to an insane attachment to 'Things.'... Learn to enjoy things without owning them. Enjoy the beach without feeling that you have to buy a piece of it. Develop a deeper appreciation for creation. The earth is the Lord's, and the fullness thereof." - Richard Foster, The Celebration of Discipline.

God is calling us to a life of truly appreciating His creation through communing (or, simply, talking) with Him, as you do. When we are close to Him, a love for His creation and the need for simplicity isn't forced, nor is it can it be reduced to the psychological ('I think I am grateful, therefore I am grateful.'), but it is a product of our graceful movement which naturally 'flows onto the shore.'

Great blog, btw. I am truly grateful for it!

[Alice Grin]

Like others have said, I think there's a huge difference between a passive "thankfulness" of the sort that emerges at certain times of year, or times of our lives, that demand pat social comment about how "nice" everything is, and a true gratitude that arises when we consciously try to think of the good things we've experienced rather than just dwell in our gripes (as so many of us city dwellers tend to do).

I find, for instance, that my most successful and productive days are days when I take time out to actually ENJOY something, or remind myself of something positive in my life, and I waste a lot of time when I spin my wheels in All The Reasons The World Totally Sucks.

For instance, this was one of the great things about my little interlude in Colin's PARK(ing) spot last week -- I stopped by during downtime on a boring work errand. Being able to relax in a park and chat for a minute about something hopeful was a huge boost in my day, and enabled me to be much more productive (constructive?) than had I just sat in a corner of Kinko's doing a Sudoku and thinking about how obnoxious everything was.

[the opoponax]

Wait, that was me! Wrong blog commenty name!

[Erika]

Re Greg, Eric

I do not think that you gave to be grateful or thankful to anyone to experience the gratitude that improves life. It is the same thing just to say you appreciate things.

And if you still feel that it's not the same as showing gratitude towards a particular object or being, be thankful more directly. If you are thankful for your spouse, thank them for being there. If you are thankful for the food you eat, thank the farmers who grow it and the sellers who sell it. If you are thankful for your health, thank all of the medical advances that have increased your life span.

[Jessica Marie]

We talk a lot about this issue. Even with religion, many of my friends and I have a difficult time remembering to be grateful; the individualistic American ideals have seeped into everyone. That being said, gratitude is not a waste of time; it gives birth to actions that change lives, in real, meaningful, practical ways. Gratitude, as far as I am concerned, gives way to compassion. If we allow it, it will effect us from the spirit, the heart, and will give credibility to our actions.

[Jad]

I'm grateful for you.

[Beki]

I read your blogs all the time and really enjoy them all. This is the firt one I will print out and hang on my bathroom wall. It will remind me everyday to be more thankful. Wether a person addresses this issue regarding religion or not being thankful reminds you of what you have, lets your mind rest for a minute from the thoughts of what you want, and turns your outlook to more positive thoughts. I think THAT mentality is what then leads us to consume less and tend to give more (wether it be a 'hello' to a stranger or a hug to a friend). Thank you for this post today.

[Judith]

I don't think "the decline of religious life" has anything to do with it. Some of the most religious people I know are the most "consumptive". Have you ever looked at the vehicles in a church parking lot?! I agree with Eric and Erika. And I would like to remind people that Religion really doesn't "own" the corner on morality, much as it would like to claim!

[Marcy]

I appredicate all of the attention given in this blog to the ways that lessening consumption and environmental impact can improve our lives and make us happier (although I believe that should not supercede a responsibility- to future generations, to human and non-human animals on this planet- to do so).

And learning to be grateful for what we have instead of worrying about what we don't could be a positive force to negate our culture of overconsumption. However, I agree with the posters who say you're giving religion way too much credit.

While it may not relate specifically to the issue of gratitude, I think it's worth bearing in mind that the United States is the
most religious "developed" nation in the world by a number of indicators, as well as being tops in consumption of the world's resources. Conversely, there is a lot of crossover in the top ten most environmentally sustainable countries in the world according to
Yale (the US ranks 45th) and the top 10
least religious/ most athiestic countries in the world.

And let's not forget the disturbingly large number of people in this country who believe that armageddon is coming in their lifetime, rendering environmental degredation not only not a problem, but in fact a good thing (that which hastens end times hastens the return of christ!). Bill Moyers had some
interesting comments about this connection.

There are a growing number of religious folks connecting environmental concerns with faith, and good for them. But for me, and many others, realizing that this earth and this life is all we have is a powerful motivator to both appreciate everything we have, and take care of the planet so other may continue to appreciate it.

This has all gone without mentioning that I find the idea of a god (or cosmic intelligence, or whatever) choosing to bestow things like middle-class status on certain poeple (but not others) thereby allowing some people to feel "thankful" to him/her/it to be profoundly disturbing!

Apologies for length, I feel pretty strongly about this!

[Cullen]

Thanks for a great post (as usual). To take this one step further, when we understand that we depend on others for everything in our lives, we cannot help but be grateful to them. In fact, it is only because of the kindness of others that we have ANYTHING, including our own life (because of the kindness of our parents who created us and took care of us). When you come to this realization, the only proper response one can have is utter, total and complete gratefulness.

[giani siri]

“Here in the United States, I sometimes despair that our state religion is consumption and our main prayer is for more.” This tells you how far the powers that control our county, and try to control us, have drifted from the intent of the founding fathers. Many of the founders, George Washington amongst them, had their own nondenominational (their version of PC) way of referring to deity: They used the term ‘Providence’ instead of God. Inherent in that title is gratitude. Even if Life, The Universe, and Everything, is just the improbable result of random events, with no comforting spirit looking after us, this planet provides for us. Everything is still a gift. We can still be grateful and take care of that which Providence had provided us.

[the opoponax]

It's so irritating the way atheist concern trolls huddle around ALL the various intertubes, waiting for someone to merely mention anything even vaguely resembling a non-materialist remark, so that they can pounce and give us all a lecture about how God Is Totally Not Real, Y'all.

Tomato, Tomahto, guys. Be thankful to a god, the spiritual realm, karma, the collective consciousness, farmers and craftspeople, your dad, whatever. The point is that we should spend more time acknowledging what we have, and less time harping on what we don't.

[TimP]

Many thanks for this inspirational blog, and what you are doing. I recently articulated two things which I would like to cultivate within my children 1) a sense of wonder about our world, from the small things, to the big things, and as a by product of that 2) a sense of gratitude for the good things, great and small which abound in our lives.

So much of our western world seems to be about finding happiness in what we need (LOL!) to acquire, instead of finding wonder and gratitude in what we have.

I'm very thankful for the thought provoking, and action challenging work and blog you keep here. May you be blessed!

[jewishfarmer]

I admit, I was troubled, Colin, by your reference to a "middle birth" - which seems to me to imply that you are in the "middle" of world wealth. That is, of course, not true. Virtually all Americans are among the very wealthiest people on the earth, and, while I know you cannot summed up by your location, two income New Yorkers living on fifth avenue are, odds on, not in the middle of American income brackets, which annually come out in the low 30s.

I think in order to feel grateful, one has to know what one has, and while I think this post is wise in many ways, I think you have allowed your desire to be thought of as "average" to distort the truth of your gratitude - that by most world standards you are, even in your present, more austere life, drowning in luxury unattainable to most people who cannot imagine life with a laptop, multiple bicycles, clean, safe running water, regular tv appearances and free-trade coffee.

This is not intended to be an attack upon you - I think it is perfectly reasonable to be grateful that you are awake despite your life of luxury. But I think gratitude must begin with a full accounting of the gifts we've been given.

As for religion - Americans may be religious, but we are most devoutly capitalist. It is no accident that none of the major religions in the world is compatible with capitalism - not Judaism with its forgiveness of debts and Jubilee years, or Christianity with its exhortation against wealth and prohibitions against earning money through interest, not Islam with its heavy tithing obligations or Buddhism with its moral call to give.

If one looks at the theology of any faith closely, one finds, in its root, an absolute rejection of the endless growth and "accumulation in few hands" notion of present model capitalism. So it is little wonder that even the religious don't often look very religious, or very grateful. Subsidary gods rarely look good next to the great, overarching divine figures that overshadow them, and thus Yahweh and Shiva stand sadly looking at the big, waving invisible hand.

Sharon

[LuceLu]

Telling myself "I have everything I need" is comforting and inspires gratitude for what I have in my life rather than emphasizing what I don't. I manage to significantly decrease my expenditures as well. If I can only get my teenager to see life this way. Sigh.

[Taylor]

I hear you, Tree. timesoutofmind.blogspot.com

[Don Robertson, The American Philosopher]

IN SEARCH OF CATEGORICAL KNOWLEDGE

Man will have no impact, eventually, and regardless, as reality is a closed system as measured by our potential to affect it.

The very real question probably unknowingly hinted at here involves the nature of humanity's existence, how long, how short, how enjoyable, and how well thought out.

The individual who thought up No Impact Man has obviously thought a good deal about humanity's existence.

As a philosopher, I deal with that final notion, how well thought out is our existence.

And it is clear, humanity, while sentient, if in something of a dream like state, the how well thought out leaves a great deal to be desired.

Immanuel Kant left the world in 1804 with his great conjecture, the Categorical (moral) Imperative, unanswered. It was then left unanswered as to whether humanity could ever pen it. And no few philosophers said it would never be penned, proclaiming morality a relative notion.

And until 2006 when I by chance answered Kant's conjecture, and recognized the feat for what it was, Kant's conjecture left a mysterious, haunting and vexing void in philosophy.

The moral imperative of life is to live a life that detracts not at all from the lives available to those who will follow us into this world.

This is the answer to Kant's conjecture he left unanswered, that there might be a Categorical Imperative.

Now. We might seek to be no impact. It would be a noble and sustainable pursuit.

We also might consider it to be possible to make a better world, which would imply we should also contemplate what sort of impact we wish to make?

In the history of knowledge, epistemology, we have had superstition, and, Empirical Knowledge.

Several false starts have been proposed to prepare humanity for entirely new knowledge sets.

Until the conjecture of Kant's Categorical Imperative was answered, these attempts were futile and misled.

As Empirical Knowledge is to Superstition, so is Categorical Knowledge to Empirical Knowledge.

Categorical Knowledge is a knowledge set made of categorical truths, those truths that are true in every instance and without any exception.

The Moral Imperative of Life is just such a truth.

And from it, springs all manner of Categorical Truths.

The Moral Imperative of Life is the well spring of everything moral.

And no human can say they have free will until they understand what is moral.

For whom would act of their free will immorally?

Don Robertson, The American Philosopher